Saturday, August 30, 2008

Once you get past the cousins, does it really matter?

I've been contacting (very!) distant relatives to collect information on my Lithuanian family over the past several months. Several of these people didn't know I existed, and probably still don't care too much- we are related in a very distant way- maybe 6 or 7 degrees of separation. These people, however, have been able to tell me stories about my great grandmother and my great great grandmother and both of their families. I have learned more about my grandfather's family this summer than I probably will during the rest of my life, thanks to these distant relatives, who share their old photographs and memories with me. Still, the attitude that a couple of them have had (and understandably), is that "once you get past the cousins, it doesn't really matter." I guess I understand their point of view: I'm a stranger, calling and asking personal questions about relatives from their past, with whom they may have had a very personal relationship. The reaction I'm perceiving is in relation to me (a virtual stranger), tied only by a common thread of knowledge about a person who is long gone. They probably can't understand why I care to know about people who died 70 years ago. I get why they don't understand how this could be relative to my life and pursuits.
From my perspective, understanding more about my immigrant grandparents, great grandparents, and their families, helps me understand my family better, why they left Lithuania, how they (I) came to be where they are (I am) now, and if I can see any bit of them left over in myself. Traditions, ways of doing things, stories, words... are passed down from generation to generation, and I want to know who I am, where I come from, and if there is any of Karolina Stankievicz, her sisters Josie or Tess, any Julia Brindza or her husband Constant Paukstis left in me. How far removed is "Bird" from "Paukstis", "Paukstiene' ", and "Paukstenaite"? Have all traces of Paukstis been erased from the Bird family?

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